Add metrics to track how often events are `soft_failed` (#10156)

Spawned from missing messages we were seeing on `matrix.org` from a
federated Gtiter bridged room, https://gitlab.com/gitterHQ/webapp/-/issues/2770.
The underlying issue in Synapse is tracked by https://github.com/matrix-org/synapse/issues/10066
where the message and join event race and the message is `soft_failed` before the
`join` event reaches the remote federated server.

Less soft_failed events = better and usually this should only trigger for events
where people are doing bad things and trying to fuzz and fake everything.